Have you been by Venomous Kate's? You must go. She's got brains, looks, attitude, integrity, and whole lot of whoop-ass, in other words, she's the complete package. Lots of upside.
She recently decided to throw a contest, The 50 Most Defining Events in American History, and published the results. I was late in entering, and my list is currently under construction, but I have responded via her comments, I have decided to include them here for you, noble reader:
Your most gracious Excellencies, Ms. Kate, Venomites, et. al.:I guess this means I'll have to actually cobble the damn list together, then, huh?Alas, I hesitated too long to contribute to your undertaking, namely, charting the 50 Most Defining Events in American History. Nonetheless, you and your, er, slithering, cohorts did a fine job!
The order of some of the events did strike me as, well, bass-ackward (you've got to expect it from a creature with no legs). I see that I must remind myself that this list is all about defining events, and not most important events. But still, Bill of Rights at #16? Let me guess -- "It's got a great bass line, but I just can't dance to it!" And while I'm a big believer in making the world safe for democracy, I still cannot place us saving a bunch of pasty white guys "Over There" over the respect for rule of law as enshrined in Judicial Review by Marbury v. Madison, not to mention the whole freakin' Civil War. I went to high school in Virginia (okay, Northern Virgina) and they're still not over the War of Northern Agression (or maybe it was the War Between the States?)
Since I'm not a Baby Boomer, #12 Watergate, doesn't mean much for me, and seeing as how the Pax Republicana is most certainly upon us, I think that it belongs somewhere a little south, say after #27 Mass Production of Automobiles (but maybe that's because I live in CA -- right?)
And one more thing, I know that lists like these generally suffer from editorial shortsightedness. You know, that particularly heinous crime of egocentrism practiced at VH-1 (c.f. 200 Greatest Pop Culture Icons). You know that really obnoxious blind spot that puts P. Diddy ahead of Johnny Carson, or Bill Clinton and Jennifer Lopez ahead of Jack Nicholson, or the cast of "Friends" ahead of Muhammad Ali -- Muhammad freaking Ali! I find that same kind of loathsome myopia with your choices for September 11th (#8) and Operation Iraqi Freedom (#37) ahead of the Louisiana Purchase (#9) and Revolutionary War (#38), respectively. You guys have no excuse for blowing these two calls, since I'm pretty sure you're not crack smokers (I dunno about all those cool style gurus with the overly bleached teeth at VH-1).
And I'm sure forgetting to clarify that #28 was, in fact, a TIW, is a simple clerical error on the part of some low-level staffer's since, uh, the Treaty of Versailles and the end of WWII are not, I repeat not, the same thing. In fact, many learned scholars have attributed the beginning of WWII to the Treaty of Versailles that ended WWI.
The Seneca Falls thing (#4) might be near and dear to many, including you, o Venomous One, but to rank it higher than the Emancipation Proclamation (#10) doesn't resonate with me.
The Transcontinental Railroad (#3) was bold, I'll grant you that. I'd have put Sutter's Mill (#24) on equal footing, but I admire your balls. (Please understand, I mean that in the highest possible sense -- the ever popular Tony Montana usage.)
But what about those didn't make the cut? How about a man named Mark Twain. Didn't he shape our national character and self-image/esteem/love just as much as the Fall of Saigon (#49)?
How about Ike's Federal Highway System? I don't know about you, but I think that the Freeway deserves a spot at least as high as the "ARPAnet" (#30). After all, the latter is often compared to the former (Information Superhighway, anyone?)
My guess is that the Roaring 20's gang violence is rolled up in (#26 Prohibition/Repeal). But doesn't America's enduring love affair with gangs (whether from 5 Points, Hell's Kitchen, Compton, or "The Outsiders" maybe you could have thrown them a bone.)
I'm no socialist -- but I think that those Haymarket Square riots deserve a mention. We've been trying to get rid of those damn unions ever since.
What about the impact of illicit substances on our culture? You can't really begin to scratch the American character of the last half of the 20th century and the beginning of this one without some understanding of drugs. No moral judgment here -- but really, how else could you explain WTF all those dirty, stinking hippies were doing spinning in circles and stuff -- cause it wasn't dancing.
But the unkindest cut of all. The worst, most shameful act of abandonment you erstwhile Republicans did was to leave the Federalist Papers off your little list. Hamilton, Madison, Jay. You've got the Articles of Confederation (#20), and no Federalist Papers? It sets out not only the principles, by which our Republic runs to this day, but also the structures of government and their rationales. I doubt that anyone can take exception at declaring those writer's attempts any other than unqualified success. The Articles didn't freakin' work, fer crissakes.
You might object, however, saying that they're not that important, they didn't really shape who we are or anything, not like FDR's New Deal (#34) or anything. You would, maybe, if you were a communist. You ever heard of checks and balances? What am I saying, you were a lawyer, once, and I'm sure that you can see how the diffusion of power has been crucial in shaping us to be the mighty we-don't-take-no-shit-from-nobody country that we are today. You could even argue that the very longevity of our great Union has been made possible by the flexibility and competition inherent in our governmental structures. There is no more Definitive Event in our nation's history than the continued existence of a robust political culture -- even if it means looking at Chris Matthews fat head every night.
Maybe they're part of Constitutional Convention and its Passage (#2) and they're omission in print amounts to nothing more than a faux pas.
I look forward to your prompt attention to this matter.
But, please, most excellent Ms. Kate and the Venomites, continue with your excellent works. I for one, will be reading, and enjoying all of your continued postings.
Best regards,
Andrew Schouten
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